Make Smoking Cool Again: Free the Herb & Be Happy
Make Smoking Cool Again: Free the Herb & Be Happy
In California, weed’s supposedly legal, at least technically, theoretically, in a “the Universe is actually a donut” sorta way. Cheech and Chong won the War on Bongs, so we’re told. But did they really?
Funny story. Our founder Bear was at a Dad Rock concert recently. ‘Cause he’s a dad, obviously. That’s what Bear dads do when they’re not processing tin after tin of Bear Blend in a fit of Oompa Loompa breakdance.
(Or so I hear. Me, I just roll up words, licking lyrical spliff after lyrical spliff, day in, day out, finger joints sticky with carpal tunnel verbal hash oil. I’d love to go to a Dad Rock concert. Ah, maybe someday.)
Vaping Nickelback Swamp Oil
So when did smoking stop being cool? Somehow smoking’s died out like dialup Internet — replaced by the trendy vape pen.
Seems like everywhere you look, people are vaping tobacco, weed, whatever the hell have you.
You can spot PJ moms sucking on a vape in the Ralphs check out aisle, screaming toddlers at their side. Blokes vape at the sushi bar, hitting the pen like dragons sucking on Tootsie Pops. Cats exhale vape streams at the brewery like it’s the only way to breathe.
Is vaping somewhat safer than smoking tobacco cigarettes? Probably. Taking a moonlit stroll along the railroad tracks with any random pickpocket is probably safer than a blind date with Jack the Ripper, kinda sorta, maybe.
Tobacco cigarettes contain some 7,000 chemicals, according to the John Hopkins Medicine website. When it comes to e-cigarettes, you don’t know what you’re vaping, but the ingredients don’t exactly sound delicious. Cadmium, nickel, manganese, lead, chromium? Not the kinda stuff you like to read on the back of your ice cream.
Even if you’re vaping weed, it’s rare that it’s actual flower. Most of the time, it’s THC-infused swamp oil. Sucking down Cadmium laced, Nickelback THC, you miss out on the more than 500 magical compounds infused in herb’s cornucopia pharmacy.
If we’re honest, vape pens did to cannabis what Nickelback did to the Blues.
Nobody shares their vape pen anymore. It’s as isolating as an iPhone, only-lonelies sucking Dr. Dabbers like Fitbit tits, warped in vape pen isolation.
Whatever happened to the Rasta hash pipe hack circle? Like Santa Cruz California Games on the Apple IIC, we need to bring that shit back.
Twisted Logic, Rolled & Smoked
When did smoking stop being cool? Probably when we realized it could kill you.
Sure, it’s hard to argue “Let’s make smoking cool again!” if we’re talking cancer sticks nailed into your coffin like an after school special for teenage vampires.
But we’re not trying to bring back Joe Camel here — or dig up the Marlboro man and sell his corpse to Harvard’s home correspondence course in medical dissection.
Smoking tobacco’s terrible for you, kids. But you don’t need 7th grade health classes with the cadaver skeletons and free condoms telling you something you already know.
Smoking cigarettes is more addictive than smack, causes weird shit like systemic lupus erythematosus and atherosclerosis, actually withers away your skeleton like a bone eating Peloton bike from hell.
Herb, on the other hand, not so much.
Smoking cannabis actually expands your lungs. It increases air flow and the amount of air you can breathe. In fact, moderate smokers of cannabis can exhale an entire Hi-C drink box more than the average human.
As far as lung cancer and cannabis, the research is relatively scant and inconclusive. But there is no evidence that smoking marijuana causes lung cancer. One study in 2006 found that it didn’t. Actually, cannabis smokers had a slightly lower rate of lung cancer than non-smokers.
Granted, we don’t have much data on other herbs. It’s only been in the last decade or so science has even bothered to research cannabis, mostly because it’s been illegal to do so. But it’s probably safe to guess that smoking any kind of herb is a lot better for you than a Marlboro man cancer stick.
Puff by puff, vape by vape, tobacco sickens every cell in your body like Joe Camel in the cancer ward. You can feel it in your lungs, in the dirty ash residue of the blood pumping through your veins. That shit’s trying to kill you.
But smoking herbs is a great way to ween yourself off tobacco. Mix a little herbal blend into your next rollie. Gradually increase the herb content overtime. Before you know it, you’ll have forgotten about tobacco like you forgot about 7th grade health class.
Making Smoking Cool Again
At Bear Blend, we’re making smoking cool again by encouraging the smoking of medicinal herbs.
When he’s not sparking up at Cousin Oliver concerts, Bear is testing the no-smoking policy at neighborhood bars, lighting up a rollie of Bear Blend until security tells him to snuff it out. It’s the little battles that change our world, fighting California’s indoor smoking ban one puff at a time.
You know, making smoking cool again.
Herb is good for what ails you. The herbs in Bear Blends are great for sleep, relaxation, meditation. Some ease anxiety; others spark rejuvenation. It all depends on what you’re looking for.
Smoking herbs is a ceremony, a way of reconnecting with the meditations of nature — just kick back against the tree and be one with the bark. Mix Bear Blend with tobacco to kick the cigarette monkey, or blend it with cannabis in a tobacco-less spliff to mellow down your high and make it last until payday.
Make smoking cool again. Share Bear Blend with friends; end isolation. Be one with the Spirit and rediscover your inner truth.
Because deep down, we’re all looking for happiness. Herbs are nature’s happy green chlorophyll. Spark it up and breathe.
Matt Gallagher
Wordsmith Specialist
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Props to your writing style, very J.P. Sears-ish (spoof/parody-ing with references). Although we’re from different generations–to me, cousin Oliver is the bespectacled trollish kin from the Brady Bunch–I too resonate with the scapegoating of ‘smoking’ as across-the-board evil is throwing the baby out with the bath water. I can vouch for smoking medicinal herbs calming, rather than irritating, my lungs (have some reactive lung issues from decades of exposures working as a direct care nurse). B.B.–with your delightful offerings and packaging–was my introduction to such!